Zeus' Mighty Thunder Bolt: Now with 100% Slow Mo

Behold, Zeus' thunderbolt in crotch punching slow-motion. Just in case you were wondering, no, it isn't a coincidence that even lighting looks like swimming sperm. Nature is just that manly.

Man-Tube Clip: Brass-Eyes, the Brass Balls of Eyes

Another great video from The British Bulldog. Brass-Eyes is a comedy team from the UK that ran amok about a decade ago. You can smell their influence in Sacha Baron Cohen, The Daily Show and any other faux news show.

The clip is quite mantastic, but I'm pretty sure I suffer from that disease.

Man-Tube Clip: Catchphrase

This comes courtesy of the British Bulldog. Oh Marita, you innocent fool.

Manliest Music Video (by default, not content)

Apparently breaking peoples arms helps your vocal chords. Take a man-gander at Steven Seagal's music video from his album, "Songs from a Crystal Cave." I'll keep this post short, since the video speaks for it self. I'm a little disappointed he didn't put in the trademark Seagal cock-walk, but he does beat the shit out of two kids in the video.

To quote Ron Burgandy (in the Alternate cut of Anchorman), "I...have no...words."

Man Tube Clip: Prepare to be Seagaled

Mr. T Debacle Exposes America's Politically Correct Puckered Ass

The link below is an article from a UK website that discusses some hullabaloo over a recent snickers ad campaign. Apparently BA Baracus shoots delicious nut filled candy bars at the wimpy ass of what The Human Rights Campaign feels is a mock depiction of a gay man. The Manternet absolutely does not endorse candy based hate crimes based on sexual orientation, race, or any other factor. We don't feel, in any way that homosexuals are second class citizens. More importantly, you should never mock speed walkers. Those are some vicious motherfuckers. Anywho, men are the superior gender, gay or straight. As you can see, this is decidedly the least homophobic man-based blog in existence. I feel like I should say fuck you, just to man things up.

There is a such thing as being ridiculously, unforgivably politically correct. In a very American move the Mars Corporation showed its utter lack of brass balls and gave into the excessive political correctness of The Human Rights Campaign by pulling the ad campaign; an ad campaign that doesn't even run in the U.S.A. There is a point where political correctness becomes more irritating than a nagging girlfriend. I think that tipping point is when you start spreading your tight assedness beyond the natural and cultural borders of your country. Stupid digital age!!! Only two complaints were logged in the U.K. over this ad. I thought those pale, blood pudding eating wankers were supposed to be the the puffers of the world, not the muscle brained Americans. Oh how times have changed. With all of the energy spent on getting ads pulled for overly sensitive organizations for people who are superficially insulted, there are a lot more important things going unfixed. For example, John McCain might actually become president of the U.S.A. Again, I feel the sudden urge to say FUCK YOU.

It's a good thing no one reads this blog, or the Human Rights for Meat Heads Campaign would have a field day.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/jul/28/advertising1

Anyone For Hot Creepy Robot Sex? Depends, do we have to cuddle afterwards?

Well, robotics are finally approaching that age old litmus test of technology, "Can I fu#@ it?" It happened with the personal computer, the blender, the cell phone and even HDTV s. You name it and it hasn't become mainstream until it nailed that standard, statistically of course.

Can you imagine a world where kids are flying around on their hoover boards, magazine covers have animated advertisements and wingmen in bars around the world no longer have to take a hit for the team with the fat girl, but the robotic one? I mean, can you imaging how awkward it will be to have to reboot mid-coitus. Especially if it is anything like a CD tray on a computer, that closes shut whenever you restart.

Robotics experts (aka the sex depraved Japanese) say within 10 years we should be able to check our email, synchronize our outlook calenders and knock one out while listening to our favorite MP3's, all in the same Asian schoolgirl sex-droid. Here's to a bright future with universal health care and fu$@able robots.

I'm sure this is raising a few burning questions in your beer-soaked brains. Will it make porn obsolete? I mean, if you can program a hot sexy robot to do all of the things that you tug off to in hot sexy porn, then who needs porn? Does it count as sex if you don't have to buy it dinner?

I think the thing that is going to be the biggest problem with men having sex with robots is that they will grow to care even less about the G-Spot, which will bring to a boil the collective estrogen in the female population and there will be world wide nagging chaos on a biblical scale.

Don't forget to take the poll to the right and be honest!

Man-Item: Greatest Dryed Coconut Milk EVER!

This is the first in a no doubt endless series of posts. Man-Items are random products, food or otherwise, found in the wild that have some connection to being a man, juvenile or otherwise. (Is there an otherwise?)

I'm not sure how face punchingly man-like dehydrated coconut milk is, but this particular brand is at least attempting to appeal to the right audience. I found it in a Chinese Supermarket, where ironically enough nearly everything carried a MADE IN U.S.A sticker. So pick up a few cases of this dried coconut jank and sex up that curry sauce.

Please feel free to send in your finds to themanternet@yahoo.com Oh, and forget I said please.

Al Gore is giving me Green Balls!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/al-gore/a-generational-challenge_b_113359.html

I am man-crushing on Al Gore's ideas. In the speech above, Al Gore calls upon all of us to push to make a total change in how this country (and the world) thinks and acts with regards to our uses and sources of energy.

Let's think of using renewable energy in more man-friendly terms - getting laid.

Renewable energy is like that girl that you always wanted, not just for a night or two but that girl that if you did get, you would want to keep her for a very long time. We all know that girl almost never comes around but she is the hottest, smartest, coolest chick you have ever met and if you are going to get her, you are going to have to work? These girls take time, effort and (sometimes) money to get. You can't just buy her a drink at the bar and magically she is with you forever. You can't just play the same old shitty game and use the same old tired lines to win her over. You have to work at it, take her to the right spots, share the right conversations, introduce her to your friends, go out with her and her friends, create some memories together and yes, show her the time of her life in bed. We all know the dividends pay off when everything works out right.

Using oil and other limited energy sources is like cruising Hunt's Point for that worn out box that will leave you feeling and perhaps actually make you a little dirtier each time you come back. What's worse, her prices keep going up and her allure keeps going down.

If we truly want peace and autonomy, we need to stop paying the Middle Eastern and South American pimps and start working on landing Miss Universe. Once we do, we and our children can keep getting laid by her (ugh...did I take that analogy too far?) because we did the more difficult but, eventually, more effective things from the start.

Update:
Pat Robertson and Al Sharpton have lent their support for wecansolveit.org. The manternet does not support either of these men, in fact we are actively opposed to their divisive and unlaudable tactics. Please avoid we can solve it and get involved in other ways. I know some people may want us to put aside philosophical disagreements to make progress happen but nothing about these men represents progress and the enormous damage they have done will not be compensated for by this current mini-campaign for good.

iPhone Officially Useful for First Time

If you are one of those douche bags who waited in line for 4 hrs to snag one of the new iPhone 3Gs, but were immediately bummed out because when you got home you realized your iChode was useless because all it could do is check your email and surf the web and solve global warming, then this news from Gizmodo should give you a little tingle in the pants. If you are like most male iPoon users, you have been itching to knock one off during your morning commute. I mean, who doesnt want to polish one off to a 3.5 inch screen. It sure would make you feel bigger.

MAN-LINK

What Happend to The Manternet? Fuck You, Thats What Happend to the Manternet

We would like to apologize for the recent dearth of posts on The Manternet. I know it can seem more than coincidental that the economy is getting shittier as posts on The Manternet get less frequent. However, rest assured that it is a correlation that is fabricated completely in your steel lined skulls.

Enjoy the following clips from one of the most testosterone laden films, "Glenn Garry Glenn Ross." After all, you deserve it. You did have the brass balls to wonder if The Manternet was dead. Next time that thought crosses your mind, ask yourself one question. Can a blog forged from steel in the fiery heart of a volcano die? (hint: the answer is maybe)



(p.s. As a blog for men, by men, with men and about men; We are rescinding our apology because like all men, we were right the first time... You're Welcome.)

True love waits...for what?

For marriage?
For the first guy to express his love to you?
For the first guy with whom you make a conversational connection?
For the first guy you meet at the bar?
For the next guy that you see on the street?

Okay, you get the point... What is true love and for what is it waiting? Well, I contend that there is no “True Love.” Love is love... I am a man, so the whole concept is unequivocally elusive to me but it seems highly unlikely that between two of the 7 billion people on this planet, this feeling is exclusive…extremely unlikely. I also contend that there is no standard by which we are capable of determining the veracity of love.

What confuses me about these pants though is not that they are effective at warding me off from potential mates but that they indicate idiocy and potential for anal and oral. That’s right! If you buy these pants for your daughter (and she decides to wear them), you probably will make her less attractive to me because it will increase my impression of her being an idiot (I only enjoy banging smart women) but it will also bolster my impression that she will give up the other two sexual outlets more easily than she would have otherwise. Every girl that I have met that follows this ideological construct is far more likely to have sex in some way that isn’t “conventional” because they want to have sex but one hole is indicated as more deserving of reverence than the other two. I don’t get it. In other words, the pants do nothing but to foster delusion and to lead young women from a more reasonable understanding of their biology and sex. I can’t wait until we all grow up and understand the usefulness of reason and contraception. For now, I will try to influence every attractive woman that I meet into believing that none of her holes deserves reverence.