Not just for beach goers, trailer trash, strippers or hookers anymore!

Short-shorts are the newest thing to take the New York City streets by storm. I, for one, am extremely disappointed...that this didn't happen years ago. I mean, breast cleavage has been around since, at least, 2,345 BC. Why did we have to wait 4,353 years for ass cleavage to become commonplace? I salute and support you brave, trailblazing women. Keep testing social norms and fostering erections wherever you go.

American Men To Stimulus Package: "Screw You Credit Card Debt, Im Buying Porn!"

What does Bush, Porn, Stimulus and Adult Market Research Company have in common?
An interesting little blurb on The Huffington Post talks about what some people might be doing with their Erectionomic Stimulation packages from Bush. I'm not sure how factual these statistics are. Considering it was an Adult Internet Market Research Company, I assume of course that the analysts themselves are porn stars. Last time I checked, porn stars aren't known for their math skills, unless they are tea baging a scientific calculator.

Don't these idiots know YouPorn is free?

Random Google Image

I know what you are thinking. What the fuck is the internet? By now the entire world knows what The Manternet is. Its like a super hero sequal, it needs no further exposition. But what in the shit is the internet?! Apparently there is a series of cleverly winding tubes deep under our feet that allows the world to be connected in unfiltered ways. Every shade of information is shared around the world, weird little nerds battle to the death in weird little nerdy online games, porn is enjoyed by infants and geriatrics alike. Apparently, it's also a good place to stumble upon a random image that brings a big doofy punchable smile to your face.

Have you have ever seen an image that needed less words to describe it? Me neither.

Email The Manternet your random google finds and we'll post em.

Hey Richie! Im gonna Get You... Richie! (or break bones tryin')

Well folks and folk-ettes. (If you are a folk-ette, get the fuck off The Manternet...no offense.) The contest has ended and all 8 of you have done your civic duty and cast your votes. It was close, but, "Out For Justice" was voted the best Steven Segall movie. It's my personal favorite, but that has nothing to do with anything. So congratulations Anonymous!! A blu-ray copy of the movie has been sent out to where ever it is you live. Enjoy all of the horrendous Italian accents , meandering plot and bone exploding action.

Look Ma, No Hands, Arms or Legs!!! (and I might be missing some vital organs)

In freshman year at college, my roommate pledged a fraternity and brought me to my first fraternity party. As we walked down the stairs to the basement where all of the beer-pong tables where kept, he told me, "Don't walk into the room yet, I have to tell you something." As we peered into the room, which reeked of stale beer, he said, “Here is how you are going to get laid tonight. Spend an hour or so trying to pick out the girl that appears to have the lowest self-esteem and go after her.” This was a trick he had employed successfully many times. Whereas he thought he was teaching me a valuable lesson, something about it just didn’t sit well with me. Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t feel sorry for the girl that I potentially may have conquered in this way but I felt badly for my friend for feeling the need to employ such a vulture-like sexual strategy. I get the same feeling I got that day when I read about the below television show:

http://wwtdd.com/post.phtml?pk=8601

These girls deserve to get objectified and laid too but putting them on display like this and highlighting their disabilities feels like it very much appeals to men like my old roommate. For them, the turn on is the easy kill – the woman with no other options and who is grateful for their attention because, well, who else would give it to them? The producers say it will be uplifting but I doubt anybody that would want to paint these women in a positive light would want to watch the show. I guess we will just have to wait and see. For now, I am just going to fantasize about the chick that’s missing a leg and lounging on the platform.

Sporn - The next step in the evolution of Geek horniness.

Electronic Arts is going to release its [r]evolutionary game, Spore, in a couple of months. In this game, the player starts controlling a single-celled organism which rapidly evolves until the player is eventually controlling numerous civilizations populated with the offspring of the original, mitotically replicating, organism. As a promotional tool, EA has released the Creature Creator tool which allows the player to direct the next step in their being's evolution. The Creature Creator demo has barely been released for two weeks and already Youtube is exploding with an influx of penis and boob shaped creatures, creatures with overly enlarged (depending on your perspective) tits and dicks or creatures that appear to be banging - proving once again, that those who can't get any pretend anyways. Can somebody build these guys their sex robots already? In the meantime, I am going to enjoy the creativity.

See my favorite (so far) below:


For those people out there that say that this is supposed to be a children's game and this usage is offensive to you, too bad. Request a kids only universe but there is no way that kids can be protected from the millions of people that are going to be making sex creatures and incredibly violent creatures that will destroy every one of your child's animals.

Mutilator: Pixar Eat Your Heart Out

http://fantasticanimation.blogspot.com/2008/06/mutilator.html

Manternet Office Tip #1: Concealing Man-nipples

Do you suffer from the dreaded freeze-dried nipple look?
Well, we here at The Manterent have worked with the top scientists to developed a way to deal with those troublesome protruding shards of flesh that cost you your dignity at the work place.

Step 1: Purchase a roll of industrial strength duct tape.

Step 2: Shave around the trouble areas. This will make it much less painful when you tear off the duct tape before you get intimate. Bleeding will most likely, but not in all situations, be reduced.

Step 3: Affix two 4 inch strips of duct tape criss crossing each other over the nipples, under the undershirt. This should suppress temperature or arousal based nipple erections, thus leading to that promotion that you so sorely deserve.

You're Welcome!

-Conan The Bloggarian

Fathers Day: Go Forth and Pay Honor To Thy Father

I'm not speaking in religious terms, that would be creepy. But today is the official day (according to hallmark executives) that you should share a beer or a punch to the gut with the man who's jank gave you life. So, go forth, purchase six packs, sports memorabilia, golf gloves and nose hair trimmers. For today is FATHER'S DAY and we owe it to Zeus and all his beardy goodness.

-Conan The Bloggarian

Steven Seagal Contest Ends in 15 Days

What the shit are you guys waiting for? The contest ends in 15days!!! A free DVD of the most voted for Steven Seagal Movie goes to the anonymous winner.

Beowulf: Manliest Man That Ever Manned (2nd Edition)

I don't know if you have ever heard the old saying, "All men are created equal," but I know in the depths of my heartless chest that those words are as true and undeniable as forged steel. I also know that it applies to men who were computer generated in the basement at Sony Image Works by a team of pale, iron deficient, hairless nerds. ( I can joke like that, I'm in that industry!)

Beowulf is officially the second man to grab the the soon to be coveted title of "Manliest Man that Ever Manned." If punching through the eyes of cyclopean sea monsters, scoring with half naked mermaids, nude wrestling a murderous giant, boning a shape shifting milf, and cutting your own arm off to squeeze the heart of your illegitimate bastard dragon son with your bare hands doesn't make you a man, then I don't want to know what does.

-Conan The Bloggarian

Jackie Chan: Manilest Man That Ever Manned (1st Edition)

What the hell is "Manliest Man that Ever Manned"? It's a celebration, an illumination if you will, of the most gravel eating, mustache wearing, crotch punching, dare deviling men ever to have been birthed by the beard of Zeus. I feel, not that I have feelings since I am a man, that Jackie Chan was a worthy KICK off into the "weekly/monthly/whenever we damn well feel like it" installment of "Manliest Man that Ever Manned."

If you have a pair of fuzzy testicals squared away in your pants, than you probably know of Jackie Chan. Chan probably has more man balls in one of his many broken bones than any of us lazy bastards can ever dream of having in our fat bloated stomachs. He's jumped from a collapsing building, been run over by hovercraft, smashed open his skull, broken his nose three times and has probably shattered every bone in his body no less then 1 Billion times. (Check here for a more accurate and interactive diagram of how much more of a man Jackie Chan is than you.)

So, with Jackie throughly high five-d, check out some of these videos.

- Conan The Bloggarian

Police Story 2 Playground Fight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzS63xl2mjQ

Most Heads ever smashed into Glass on Purpose! (Police Story 1)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOeLT_myMl0

Top 10 Stunts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cI1AwZN4ZYg