Manternet Office Tip #1: Concealing Man-nipples

Do you suffer from the dreaded freeze-dried nipple look?
Well, we here at The Manterent have worked with the top scientists to developed a way to deal with those troublesome protruding shards of flesh that cost you your dignity at the work place.

Step 1: Purchase a roll of industrial strength duct tape.

Step 2: Shave around the trouble areas. This will make it much less painful when you tear off the duct tape before you get intimate. Bleeding will most likely, but not in all situations, be reduced.

Step 3: Affix two 4 inch strips of duct tape criss crossing each other over the nipples, under the undershirt. This should suppress temperature or arousal based nipple erections, thus leading to that promotion that you so sorely deserve.

You're Welcome!

-Conan The Bloggarian

Fathers Day: Go Forth and Pay Honor To Thy Father

I'm not speaking in religious terms, that would be creepy. But today is the official day (according to hallmark executives) that you should share a beer or a punch to the gut with the man who's jank gave you life. So, go forth, purchase six packs, sports memorabilia, golf gloves and nose hair trimmers. For today is FATHER'S DAY and we owe it to Zeus and all his beardy goodness.

-Conan The Bloggarian

Steven Seagal Contest Ends in 15 Days

What the shit are you guys waiting for? The contest ends in 15days!!! A free DVD of the most voted for Steven Seagal Movie goes to the anonymous winner.

Beowulf: Manliest Man That Ever Manned (2nd Edition)

I don't know if you have ever heard the old saying, "All men are created equal," but I know in the depths of my heartless chest that those words are as true and undeniable as forged steel. I also know that it applies to men who were computer generated in the basement at Sony Image Works by a team of pale, iron deficient, hairless nerds. ( I can joke like that, I'm in that industry!)

Beowulf is officially the second man to grab the the soon to be coveted title of "Manliest Man that Ever Manned." If punching through the eyes of cyclopean sea monsters, scoring with half naked mermaids, nude wrestling a murderous giant, boning a shape shifting milf, and cutting your own arm off to squeeze the heart of your illegitimate bastard dragon son with your bare hands doesn't make you a man, then I don't want to know what does.

-Conan The Bloggarian

Jackie Chan: Manilest Man That Ever Manned (1st Edition)

What the hell is "Manliest Man that Ever Manned"? It's a celebration, an illumination if you will, of the most gravel eating, mustache wearing, crotch punching, dare deviling men ever to have been birthed by the beard of Zeus. I feel, not that I have feelings since I am a man, that Jackie Chan was a worthy KICK off into the "weekly/monthly/whenever we damn well feel like it" installment of "Manliest Man that Ever Manned."

If you have a pair of fuzzy testicals squared away in your pants, than you probably know of Jackie Chan. Chan probably has more man balls in one of his many broken bones than any of us lazy bastards can ever dream of having in our fat bloated stomachs. He's jumped from a collapsing building, been run over by hovercraft, smashed open his skull, broken his nose three times and has probably shattered every bone in his body no less then 1 Billion times. (Check here for a more accurate and interactive diagram of how much more of a man Jackie Chan is than you.)

So, with Jackie throughly high five-d, check out some of these videos.

- Conan The Bloggarian

Police Story 2 Playground Fight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzS63xl2mjQ

Most Heads ever smashed into Glass on Purpose! (Police Story 1)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOeLT_myMl0

Top 10 Stunts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cI1AwZN4ZYg

Summer of Stockings: Best thing since sliced bread

I don't know how man-y of you have notice the drool-tastic new fashion trend of hot chicks wearing shear stockings as pants. I can only vouch for its beautiful existence in New York, but I can safely say it is possibly the greatest thing since slice bread with images of naked ladies burned on to them.

Man-tionary Word of the Day: N.U.B.S.

N.U.B.S. [nuh-bz] -n. [NO UPPER BODY STRENGTH]

1. girlish upper body strength
2. upper body strength that is equivalent that of a child with low testosterone levels.

Sentence example:
While being mugged, I attempted to deploy a Steven Seagal combo move. Due to my embarrassing N.U.B.S I was unable to succeed and the criminal got away with my masculinity and my discover card.

The Manternet: Estrogen Free since 69 B.C.

You may be quietly asking yourself, "What the fuck is The Manternet?"

Well, let me start off by describing what The Manternet is not. It is not a place to have a photo war about whose kitten is cuter. It also most certainly isn't a place to compare spreadsheets of your menstrual cycles.

The Manternet is the male perspective on anything and everything, ranging from proper ball shaving procedure to the meaning of life and everything in between, aka Steven Seagal.

It's The Manternet. Thats all you really need to know, feel free to punch yourself in the face.