Sunday, July 6, 2008

True love waits...for what?

For marriage?
For the first guy to express his love to you?
For the first guy with whom you make a conversational connection?
For the first guy you meet at the bar?
For the next guy that you see on the street?

Okay, you get the point... What is true love and for what is it waiting? Well, I contend that there is no “True Love.” Love is love... I am a man, so the whole concept is unequivocally elusive to me but it seems highly unlikely that between two of the 7 billion people on this planet, this feeling is exclusive…extremely unlikely. I also contend that there is no standard by which we are capable of determining the veracity of love.

What confuses me about these pants though is not that they are effective at warding me off from potential mates but that they indicate idiocy and potential for anal and oral. That’s right! If you buy these pants for your daughter (and she decides to wear them), you probably will make her less attractive to me because it will increase my impression of her being an idiot (I only enjoy banging smart women) but it will also bolster my impression that she will give up the other two sexual outlets more easily than she would have otherwise. Every girl that I have met that follows this ideological construct is far more likely to have sex in some way that isn’t “conventional” because they want to have sex but one hole is indicated as more deserving of reverence than the other two. I don’t get it. In other words, the pants do nothing but to foster delusion and to lead young women from a more reasonable understanding of their biology and sex. I can’t wait until we all grow up and understand the usefulness of reason and contraception. For now, I will try to influence every attractive woman that I meet into believing that none of her holes deserves reverence.

Not just for beach goers, trailer trash, strippers or hookers anymore!

Short-shorts are the newest thing to take the New York City streets by storm. I, for one, am extremely disappointed...that this didn't happen years ago. I mean, breast cleavage has been around since, at least, 2,345 BC. Why did we have to wait 4,353 years for ass cleavage to become commonplace? I salute and support you brave, trailblazing women. Keep testing social norms and fostering erections wherever you go.