Monday, September 22, 2008

Punch Apathy in the Face: Watch the Debates

All right ladies (not literally ladies since estrogen is banned on this site but more like "ladies" in a jokingly derogatory way towards men), its time to put down your John Hancock and pay attention. On Friday, September 26 @ 9pm the first of three presidential debates will air on TV. Now obviously simply watching the debates will do nothing. But to ignore them and the entire process is to be oblivious. Being emotionally oblivious in a relationship is fine, but to stuff your balls in your ears concerning one of the most important presidential elections in history is to be a straight up douche bag. Sure, they will be verbally shitting on your chest with political rhetoric and forcing flaccid promises down your throat, but that's not the point. The point is to punch apathy in the crotch, tear out it's non-committal jugular and PAY ATTENTION!!!... while they shit on your chest. The worst case scenario is that on election day, millions of voting Americans will just sit at home and go through their morning you-porn routine as if it is a normal day, while our country gets stolen from us. You certainly can not leave it in the hands of the "energized youth."
Just as many of those hairy palmed d-bags voted last election as they did before people were impressed with their bullshit interest in politics. If the youth of this country (my demographic included) fucks us over again, I will make it my personal mission to punch every intellectually sycophantic , Birkenstock wearing, vacuous douche bag NYU student I come in contact with.

In closing this bearded ramble I would like to state that I personally don't think the debates are going to change anybody's minds. You watch the debate to root for your team, to be reminded why you chose to be a fan of your team. More importantly, you want to see your team beat the living crap out of the other team. I want to see Obama pulverize McCain and his broken elbows into a sack of quivering vaginas.

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